WRITTEN BY JESSE DISNEY
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
Even after years of leading worship, I still deal with nerves behind a mic. I used to be reluctant to sing when I was younger. I still am hesitant when I speak in front of crowds, and I used to be paralyzed at the thought of being in a place of such vulnerability around hundreds of people.
I still frequently hit sour notes when I play, get shaky when I sing a new song, and stumble over my words and thoughts (often times making no sense whatsoever due to nervousness) during welcome times or worship thoughts. I've never, nor will I ever, be the best singer, guitarist, or public speaker. I will probably deal with faux pas, make a fool of myself in front of hundreds of people, and maybe even be judged every time I mess up.
But here's the thing - I do it because I am called by the Lord and aim to please Him. He showed me who He is, and in response it led to an overwhelming desire to worship Him. He then chose to give me a liking to musical worship and the discipline to practice it even though I am not the most innately talented musician. God then chose to put this awkward, nervous, turning-red-at-any-point kid in leadership during worship and I have not looked back since.
Whenever I sing or play, I am not doing it for the audience. I am not smiling, jumping around, crying, or singing to entertain you. No, I do it because God alone is worthy of my praise. I can feel the joy of my Savior when I am with Him in worship.
Why would I put myself in a position where I can embarrass myself, be judged by many, and even be made fun of for my slip ups? Because God is worthy and I aim to please Him.
Why spend many hours a week practicing and sacrifice time to refine something that I may or may not mess up later? Because God is pleased with my heart for Him, not my ability to hit a note or play a guitar.
God is pleased to use the unlikely, the weak, the foolish, those lacking to make much of the name of Jesus. Why? Because we can not boast in ourselves, but in Him. So, my boast is in Christ.